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Saturday, March 6, 2010

Birth

Ok so since i last posted and actually deleted some blogs i still feel like i did before. but i figures some things out. i spent the day in the yard working it is nearly spring and i gotta lot to do... well anyway i thought about things. it was so peaceful and centering today that i realized i pushed myself out of myself spiritually if that makes sense. i centered and grounded and went to a ghost hunt of sorts...i put myself out there in a way i never have before. i read people. i feel out where they are sick, as health wise and i use that gift to help, i often sense what people feel and i shut that off cause it hurts and is over whelming so i don't do it...well i went out and intentionally did it.yes i grounded and sheilded and then after cleared... but it was in many ways scarry. to go there and mean to go there. to open up like that and not really get what some of the impressions are is confusing. and i know no 2 persons get it the same way but honestly someone must be able to guide me.... so what happened? well i sent myself out there and just did not come back the same. i feel like i am about to be re born. to a more centered self calmer less anxiety that i am on the cusp of stepping into a new me.. and i don't know how to get born. like i am in a spiritual birth canal and don't see the light...i shiver when i think i might be dropping the skin of my old spritual self shedding it like a snake and coming forth in a new glowing self not held back by my old morays and constraints. as if i am breaking free of the shackels of this life about to be reborn as light and love but i still don't know how to get there.... i feel it but can't turn the right way....what will come next?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

universe

it used to feel like i was plugged into the universe as if everything was put before me and i was to have it that was my path and i could pretty nearly see it unfold for me. i felt ali8ve and well and felt i was on my purpose. Now i feel like a comet in my uni9vefrse...as if i am off orbit. my path is blind and i can't seem to find the dirrections that get me back into an orbit. meditation helps,k accupunture help but i can't afford it regular, this isn't crazy talk but i don't k,now how to tip things. i feel like i'm in think, air struggling just for breath not what i used to feel free and light.... its been years...just building to this fullness of sensation. Maybe the problem is i don't want to hear what the message for me from the universe is....what if it is not something i want. what if i suspect and dont want that...then i stay here in turmiol not happpy in what i want because i feel out of balance but knowing i don't want my true path. how crazy talk is that......i guess i am going to have to lose the things i want....to make room for what the universe wants for me. where is free will and choice?????doesn't feel like there reaalyy was any.......

About Me

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Alabama, United States
Middle aged mom...with thoughts on life...but honestly more questions