universe

it used to feel like i was plugged into the universe as if everything was put before me and i was to have it that was my path and i could pretty nearly see it unfold for me. i felt ali8ve and well and felt i was on my purpose. Now i feel like a comet in my uni9vefrse...as if i am off orbit. my path is blind and i can't seem to find the dirrections that get me back into an orbit. meditation helps,k accupunture help but i can't afford it regular, this isn't crazy talk but i don't k,now how to tip things. i feel like i'm in think, air struggling just for breath not what i used to feel free and light.... its been years...just building to this fullness of sensation. Maybe the problem is i don't want to hear what the message for me from the universe is....what if it is not something i want. what if i suspect and dont want that...then i stay here in turmiol not happpy in what i want because i feel out of balance but knowing i don't want my true path. how crazy talk is that......i guess i am going to have to lose the things i want....to make room for what the universe wants for me. where is free will and choice?????doesn't feel like there reaalyy was any.......